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Thursday, June 14, 2007

V is for Vektas


Marilou dropped the Home Pregnancy Test Kit, shocked with what she just realized. She closed her eyes, then stared at her own reflection on the bathroom mirror.

"The feckin Home Pregnancy Test Kit is feckin expired," she whispered to herself. But she knew that she is pregnant. The bulge in her stomach wouldn't hide it, she's on her 2nd trimester for chrissakes. She's bored.

Her ex-boyfriend Marco came out to her a few months before she discovered she was pregnant and without a doubt, she killed him. When asked by the authorities why she had to murder her boyfriend, she said, breaking into sobs, "He was a fag. And he wore my tiara!"
The police officer hugged her tight, "I understand young lady, I did that to my lesbian dog yesterday," and he left the crime scene, no other questions asked, no legal actions against Marilou, nothing happened. The paramedics, who dragged Marco's body all the way to the elevator, fed him to dogs.

Marilou accidentally discovered she was pregnant when she curiously peed on a home pregnancy test kit.

"Gee this looks so-good I'm gonna go pee-pee all over it," she said when she stepped on a shiny pregnancy test kit on her way to Jollibee. She pulled down her jeans and started peeing all over the pregnancy test kit, not minding the crowd of people who started to gather around her.

"Is it positive?" a girl asked her.

"Oh yes oh-so-positive, aiming your pee all over this thing feels good, you gotta try it."

After five seconds of fresh urine streaming off Marilou's, the crowd, a dozen of people heading to work and a group of early-morning street sweepers sipping their early-morning lattes, started clapping.

"What the feck is going on, are you guys enjoying my little vajay-jay show?" Marilou asked.

One of the street sweepers, pointed her ipod-nano at the urine-proof 22-inch LCD screen attached at the test kit, "It says you are pregnant young lady, we need to celebrate!"

I am pregnant, she whispered to herself. As if it was her destiny to slaughter people, she brought out a CZ-100 pistol out of her Fendi handbag and started firing at the crowd. They all died, except for one person.

It was Ylmas Vektas.

(to be continued...)

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